A life-changing decision

So, I never in a million years thought I would say this.

We are moving to Sweden!

I was so sure I was in the right place, that we were gonna stay here. I always said I’m never going back. But somewhere along the way it changed. When Emma was born and my parents were visiting the thought started somewhere, but I still dismissed it. And to be honest, I never thought Odi would be open to the idea. And after they’d left it got stronger and stronger. With a new baby and a whole new life I started realizing how alone we were. I started thinking about my childhood, and having a huge family and so many family friends around and I realized that we don’t have that. And even if we could get out more and make more connections it just won’t be the same. Not to mention the help, that we don’t have here, with the baby and the dogs and everything. They say it takes a village, and we definitely do not have a village here.

The more I started missing my family and friends, the more I saw what we’re missing here and everything we would have there. And it made me really sad. How much they would miss with Emma, and how much I’m gonna miss. For myself this place is amazing to live, for us as a couple too, and we don’t really have a need to a huge social life. But as a family, and for Emma, as parents, for me as a mom, all of sudden this place didn’t feel right anymore.

We went back and forth for some time, and non of us like being in an in between, we’re people who take action. I still felt that the right decision would be clear at one point or another. The more I thought about it the more I realized that all we really have in life is time, and all that’s really important is your loved ones. So we decided that it was time for a new adventure.

I never thought it would be scarier moving back than it was to move away. I guess it’s because I never thought I would, and because I left for a reason. But I am a different person now, and my life is different, and I need different things, we do. So there are a lot of things that are unclear, and there are so many things that need to fall into place, but it feels like the right choice.

As usual with us it all went really fast too, as soon as we decided we started fixing everything and all of a sudden we were moving in a few weeks. Odi decided to stay behind and work a bit more before joining us, which is obviously so hard for all of us. We sold all our stuff, hired a moving company and then we were off.

I cannot believe that we’re doing this. It’s so unreal and I have no idea if this is gonna be the right thing. But one thing is for sure, you need to follow your heart and your gut. And what’s the worst thing that can happen? We end up not liking to live there and we move somewhere else. We really have so many choices, sometimes to many, and making one doesn’t mean it’s forever, maybe it’s just for right now.

It feels so weird and a bit sad to leave this chapter behind. Barcelona has given me so much, so much self development, so many dreams, so many good times, parties and amazing amazing memories, moving here also meant meeting the love of my life, getting engaged, having my baby girl and one extra fluffy baby too. I will always be so extremely happy that we moved here and for all the times we’ve spent here. It’s gonna be sad to leave, but I’m so excited to be closer to our loved ones, and to see what this new adventure has to offer.

Visit to Sweden

It has been amazing to be back home for a few days visiting family and friends. It was a bit nerv wracking since I was here to do a final exam regarding my bachelor’s degree. I did pass the part I went here to do but unfortunately got some more work to do with the essay that I was hoping to be done with. I’m how ever not the quitting type person so I plan on finishing sooner or later.

It was not amazing to fly in my state, I have to say, and surprisingly enough people were not helpful at all. I really did expect people to be a little bit helpful seeing as I was alone and eight months pregnant but people did not give a crap. I was fine though, and at least got a good seat on the plane. But my feet swell up like footballs.

I have gotten to hang out with my best girls, discussing baby and wedding details. And to spend a lot of time with my grandparents. Discussing giving birth with my mum and grandma how ever was not really that helpful, even though it was comforting. They both had such fast births that trying to ask them about things to bring to the hospital only amounted to them answering “there will be no time for that” and my trying to explain that even though these things can be genetic there are no guarantees. Well, let’s hope so anyway.

I also realized that we do have a name that I like in the family, that will be added to our list of maybe names, that one I will how ever keep to myself for a little bit.

It has been amazing, vacations to Altea with Odi, and Tarragona with Anna, and visiting Sweden, but I am so excited to get back home, to finish the preparations for the baby, and focus on myself, my relationship and my business until life is gonna change forever.

Happy mother’s day

Today it’s mother’s day in some places, Sweden being one of them. Unfortunately since I’m living in Spain and being away for an event I’m not spending this day with my mum. I am however feeling a bit emotional on a day like this, it being my first (almost) mother’s day or should I say the last one without actually being a mother. I guess it depends on how you look at it. I definitely do not feel like a mother yet and I guess I won’t until the day she decides it’s time to arrive.

I have so many goals and aspirations about being a mother. I am also scared and nervous. But I’m mostly excited, cause to be honest (about to step outside the norm here and own my confidence), I think I will be good at it. I do have a lot of growing left to do (ha-ha). I have not reach everything I want to reach or created the life I want for myself and my family yet. But I’m owning my life, I am chasing my dreams, I am believing in myself. I believe myself to be strong, empowering, smart and stubborn. I have always gone my own way and stood up for myself and others. I am a hell of a friend, a great sister, daughter and fiancé mostly, I think, because I always give all of me, all of the real me. I see the best in people and strive to become the best version of myself and I know that I will succeed and have my dreams come true cause I do not quit.

So that was a little different, ha? Don’t you think we should all own up a bit more to what we are actually good at? What is actually great about us? I feel like I have this confidence within me and a trust in myself but that the society have taught me that you shouldn’t give yourself too much credit, you shouldn’t talk yourself up too much. And while you should definitely not let your ego get so big you think you have nothing left to learn, you should affirm yourself and tell yourself that you are f’king great when you are.

I also have a lot of trust in my ability for motherhood because I grew up with a phenomenal mother. She was natural from the start, just meant to be a mother. She is strong, stubborn, strong-willed and so honest she couldn’t hide her opinion about something or someone even if she tried. She is also soft, kind, supportive, smart and welcomes people she likes and loves with open arms and gives them all she’s got.

I can’t wait to be a mum, and I can’t wait to hug mine the next time I see her. Happy mother’s day my fabulous mum, I love you more than words can say.