What I actually needed from my hospital bag

I was preparing a lot of things during my pregnancy and one of them was the hospital bag. Just type in hospital bag on pinterest and you’ll see how many different suggestions pop up. Which is of course good, but also makes it a lot harder to know what is the right things for you. So here is a list of the things that I actually needed from my hospital bag.

For baby
Now obviously this can differ a bit depending on the weather. Giving birth in the middle of summer in Spain makes it a lot easier to pack for baby.

  • Diapers
  • Cleansing wipes
  • A few onesies
  • Hat
  • Blanket
  • Car seat

For me
I read all about all the different clothes and stuff I needed to bring, and sure it’s since you don’t know it’s good to have options so that you’re comfortable.

  • A top that will be easy to breastfeed in if you’re planning on doing that
  • Big as panties for those big as pads (the pads I got at the hospital)
  • Slippers
  • Shower products
  • A few skincare products
  • Contact and glasses
  • Clothes to go home in, comfortable clothes, no tight pants!

This is different for all people, but straightening iron, make-up and all that was definitely not something I needed.

Other stuff you might need, dependent on what you like and usually use and need. We spend a lot of time watching Netflix, but I also loved having my journal so I could right about all the things I had just gone through and was going through.

  • Speaker to play music (I didn’t use mine)
  • Laptop (with Netflix)
  • A book
  • Notebook
  • Baby book/journal
  • A lot of liquids, vitamin drinks and water
  • Some snacks

If I would pack my bag again I would definitely go more basic. But it’s also different for us who don’t really have anyone here. We couldn’t just ask someone to bring us something, we had what we had haha. And having never given birth before, obviously I had no idea. So hopefully this can be of help to someone else!

Meeting the grandparents

My parents came to visit the other day. It was a good time, cause we got about a week with her alone to find our own way and then my parents arrived to help out at the exact right time. It was really weird for us though. Most people are in a baby bubble for a while but they have people coming to visit probably from the first or at least second day. We have really been in a bubble and it kind of made the whole situation even more unreal since we were alone with her here all that time and nobody actually met her.

It was really emotional for all of us, seeing my mum with her, and I guess for my mum to see me with her. It feels amazing to have them here but it also makes me a little sad since it makes me think of all the people who are not here to see her and won’t see her for another 2 months. It’s hard to be away from family and friend at a time like this. Not that I would want to live anywhere else, but I would just want them all here right now.

When they’re here we’re also gonna take some time to be just us, which will be hard, since I can barely be away from her at all. But it’s good to practice to go out and do stuff on your own. It’s also good to have them here to suggest going out for lunch and stuff like that so we’re not completely stuck in the house but slowly and surely taking baby steps out of our bubble and comfort zone.

One week with our little girl

It’s been a week with our little girl and we are doing good. I has been a huge transformation and we’re still getting used to it and getting to know her and ourselves in this new situation. It is completely overwhelming and feels completely natural at the same time.

What has surprised me the most are all the emotions I’m dealing with and it’s completely normal I guess, with the hormones, but oh god how strong they are. Being away from her for too long literally hurts me. I always kind of thought that people were just being a little ridiculous but it’s so real and so strong.

We’re slowly finding somewhat of a routine together, except for when she decides to change it up and keep us up all night. And I am working on incorporating my own routine into that too. Even if we need to rest and just be it’s also important for me to find my way back to my self care routine, or at least a new one, to take care of my mind. We’re taking our time and finding our way and we’re doing great, I think.

Our first days at home

So we got home from the hospital and the first thing to do was introducing little Emma to the dogs. She was sleeping so she didn’t even notice them, but they were really confused and also excited. We put her down in the car seat for just a little so they could smell her and then we decided to wait a while. They were confused and a little stressed for a little while but they got used to her being around pretty quickly.

It was so amazing to come home. But also completely surreal. All of sudden we’re just here with this little baby. She slept most of the evening the first night. And we just sat on the couch just letting it all sink in. Anna came home and got to meet little Emma for the first time.

We’ve just spent the last days figuring it all out, trying to learn and get to know her. I had decided to breastfeed, and one would think that the baby just latches on and that’s that. But it’s actually quite complicated. What position to hold the baby, for the baby to latch properly, for the milk to come in, which usually takes 3-5 days. And the pain…

The personal at the hospital tried to be helpful but I ended up just feeling super stressed and I was questioning if I even wanted to breastfeed. The baby is of course also more fussy since she’s not getting proper milk and you try and try while it feels like someone is ripping your nipples off. But when we got home I felt more comfortable and got tips and advice from our doula both with how to do it and also for creams and tricks for it not to hurt as much.

With some practice and the most amazing nipple cream we started to get a hang of it and the milk finally came through. It made everything a lot easier since when she’s hungry she eats and then sleeps, while before she would latch on for a while, still not be satisfied, cry again and then it went on and on like that. Now she sleeps like an angel.

I do believe that we’re pretty lucky. FOR NOW (I will probably regret saying this) she’s easy to get to sleep, the breastfeeding is going well and she’s just so cuddly and cute.

I do not wanna be pregnant anymore

It’s no fun being pregnant. I’ve had a pretty easy pregnancy, I’ll admit. And it hasn’t been all that bad for the most part. But now it honestly just sucks. I was so sure I’d be early that I felt like I was late already before my due date and now I’m past due, feeling like I’ve been pregnant for years.

And it’s not like you’re feeling super up for doing the things that is said to induce naturally. Exercise with feet double their normal size that feel like they’re about to explode as soon as you stand up? Take the stairs? Eat spicy food when you’re throat already is on fire most of the time doesn’t feel like an amazing choice either.

But, I am going for a morning walk every day. And went for an even longer walk yesterday, which turned me into a pile of sweat. And also using on a birthing ball, and taking the stairs. I’m trying. And I’m dying.

So the latest due date that was said was the 17th, the one before that was the 19th, and the first due date we got when I first got pregnant was… TODAY! So let’s all hope that today is the day. Cause I do not wanna be pregnant anymore. And I wanna have this whole child birth thing over with.

Cuqui is waiting too!

She’s supposed to come today!

We’ve gotten a few different due dates during this pregnancy. First it was the 21st, then the 19th, and the latest one… today!! And of course, this is just as much a guess as anything else, but it still feels totally crazy. I was of course sure she’d be early, so for me it feels like I’m already late. And I am so ready for this pregnancy to be over.

We’re going to the hospital to day, to do a 20-30 min monitoring of the baby and a visit with the midwife. Apparently they have a tendency to advise induction when they think the baby is big, and since they’re saying this baby is huge, that might the case. If there’s no other medical reason to induce I do believe it’s better to wait and see if she’ll want to come on her own.

It feels completely crazy still that I’m gonna be a mother. And it’s hard to understand what everyone says, that it all comes so naturally. I do have a lot of trust and believe in myself and in Odi as well, so I do believe that we’re gonna do great. I guess it’s just like with other things in life, you have this image of what it’s gonna feel like when you’re there and then it turns out you’re completely wrong. Kind of like when you were young and thought that those who graduated high school was all grown up, ha ha ha. I kind of feel like that, like shouldn’t I feel more like an adult by now? I mean I’m having a baby like TODAY, and I still feel like I just graduated high school.

I still have such a hard time connecting to that it’s an actual person in there. An actual person who’s gonna be here soon. A person that’s gonna be a mix of me and Odi, that we’ve created, that we’re responsible for. I guess it all falls into place when we see her, when she’s here. But for me, it’s still super alien.

How did you feel at the end of your pregnancy?
Did you feel ready?
Did it all really come all the naturally?

Gratitude

I am starting my week with gratitude. I have spent the last week walking around being impatient and stressed. And I am not saying that it will change any time soon, unless this baby decide to come… But I am changing my mindset today and focusing on gratitude.

In a lot of aspect of my life I am in between right now, and I do not like it, I don’t like being stuck, to not move forward and to not make things happen. It has been a valuable challenge though. And so I am deciding to shift my focus to gratitude.

I am grateful for so many things in my life, and when it’s hard to step out of the impatience, at least I can be impatient and grateful at the same time. I am so grateful for all the amazing things in my life, and all the amazing things that are coming. I am grateful for this time of having to slow down and calm my mind, even though it’s hard, it’s good for me. I am so grateful for this pregnancy and this baby, and for my fiance, our apartment and our dogs and living in Barcelona. I am grateful for my friends and my family and all the support they give me.

Gratitude is so important, cause what you focus on grows, so if you’re focus on being grateful for things you will most likely get more of the things you’re grateful for, just like you’ll get more of the negative things if that’s what you focus on.

So let’s be grateful today, my friends. For all the things that we have. Even though the wait for the things I don’t have yet is really, really tough.

I am ready

I am ready. This in between is not working for me. I am too impatient. I have been pregnant enough now, it’s not just that I am sick of being pregnant, I’m just done, I’m ready for the next step. In my mind I am already planning for life with baby, I am making schedule, loosing baby weight, looking for a new place and so on. All those things that I can’t do right now, because I’m just waiting. I’m just sitting here, waiting.

I try to come up with all kinds of stuff to do, bake (I do not bake…), clean out my closet (still need the mama clothes). This is ridiculous. I do not like waiting. Especially for something that is probably not gonna be very fun. So I want to have it behind me, not ahead. I want to be done with it now.

I miss my stomach, I miss my clothes, I miss my non swollen feet and legs. I am ready, let’s get this show on the road baby.

So here’s what I’m doing. Me, who is so into mindset work and all that stuff, I am simply working on my child birth mindset. And it feels like it’s working. I just hit me, that I have so many techniques that I need to calm my mind. Breathing, and yes that does actually take practice. I am focusing all my energy on affirming thoughts instead of thinking about when and how it’s going to happen.

  • I am ready for this
  • Everything will be okay
  • My body is ready and made for this

And like all other affirming thoughts, you need to believe them at some level, and I do.

https://delphinegidoinphotography.com/

I’m having a baby this month

That is probably one of the craziest sentences I have ever written in any context of my life. I am having a baby this month. Well to be honest it could actually end up being in august. But let’s just pretend that’s not true, cause we do not want that. For everyone around me, let’s not go over time. Don’t make me be pregnant longer than necessary.

It’s completely insane. Any time now we can have a whole new person in our lives, that we’re supposed to take care of and raise. Anyone else finding this concept completely weird? And don’t even get me started on the whole growing the person inside you and giving birth to it concept.

Every night I go to bed I’m like, what if we have a baby tomorrow. And no, I realize the baby won’t just pop up during the night, (but wouldn’t that be nice, really finding this stork idea super appealing right now).

Jokes aside, I am so excited now. I really trust that we will be great at this. At being lost together haha, and figuring it out. I believe that we will be great parents, and that we will create the most amazing life for this little girl. And I am so excited to meet her, see her, find out what her name is… I am so excited. And scared. And nervous. And I can’t wait. Let’s get this show on the road!

https://delphinegidoinphotography.com/

How did you feel when you started getting really close?
What scared you the most?
Made you the most excited?

What we learn about giving birth – from the movies

I had a talk with a friend recently about all my feelings regarding this birth. And she said something like “and then the water breaks and it’s time”. And I started telling her about these new facts about giving birth that I have learned during this pregnancy. Which doesn’t really go with the scenes we see in the movies.

Before I thought it happened like in the movies, just like most of us do, unless maybe we have someone close who had a baby. Isn’t it crazy that we actually have no idea how this works? And that it’s being portrayed exactly the same in all movies? Superpregnant, water breaks like a splash on the floor, everyone panics, pregnant lady starts screaming, everyone drops everything and runs to the hospital, gets there, screams, baby comes out, done.

THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS. Maybe it is for some. According to my grandma I’ll probably barely make it to the hospital before the baby’s out cause we have fast births in our family (might not apply to me, who’s knows, grandma does, apparently haha). Trying to ask her questions regarding good things to bring to the hospital or how long to wait to go there and so on was just pointless, her respons to everything was “oh you won’t have time for that”.

But seriously, I literally thought that the water breaks in 100% of the cases, according to what I’ve read it’s actually only in 15% of the cases. And even if it does you’re probably already in pre-labor. I get it, they need the dramatics for good TV, but can we at least get to see a variety of how it works. We need the real deal. Like when Rachel in friends is in the hospital and like 6 women come and go when she’s barely dilated.

I do wish that it did happen like on TV. Knowing that it might not just makes you walk around all nervous, super attentive to everything you’re feeling, wondering if it might be sign. This whole thing really is a good challenge for me, to learn to let go of the things I can not control.