Thoughts on what it takes to be a great parent

I’m so excited to become a mother. Also scared shitless of course, but excited. I really think that I could be really good at it. I know they say that women have this maternal instinct. I think some people have it, but I don’t know if I believe that everyone does. My mum did though, she was just the most natural mother and I hope it’s genetic. These are some of the things I believe that a person should have or do to be a good parent. Just keep in mind that I don’t really know what I’m talking about:

  • Confidence – I think that you need to believe in yourself and have confidence in yourself when it comes to this. As in most things in life, if you doubt yourself the chances are bigger that it will go wrong.
  • Love – let’s me honest, we need to keep a human alive, and that’s really scary. Not only that but we are also hoping that the human will turn into a good person. But at the end of the day, we all get fucked up one way or another, and life happens, we need to be loved, we all need to be loved.
  • Support – we have our heads filled up with what we should and shouldn’t do, what everyone else thinks about what we do, and how we should be living our life. Be the support, be the person that the kid can go to, even with the weirdest ideas in the world. And support, help and support. But promote to get creative and make things happen for yourself.
  • Be selfish sometimes – I believe that to take care of someone else you need to take care of yourself first. I feel like in society you need to be stressed, busy and completely occupied by your kids to be a good mum, to be only a mum. But we are still the same people. And we have become these people through life. I want to be an inspirational parent, and to do that I need to be me, to be the best version of myself, I need to take care of myself. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

I also think it’s important to lead by example, like in all other situations in life. People and kids especially do as you do, not as you tell them to. But I might also have a very naive view of things, not being a parent yet myself. At the end of the day I think we all walk around with way to high expectations. Living in a society where everything is looking very perfect around us, no wonder we do. We can all afford to be a bit more kind and understanding sometimes, we’re all just doing the best we can! So let’s finish of with my biggest point, that I’m probably going to have to remind myself of about 10 times a day when I’m there myself

  • GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK, YOU’RE DOING GREAT

Tips from a non expert on how to keep a healthy and loving relationship

Today I wanted to talk about relationships. Now this is a subject that I have thought a lot about over the years. Spending my entire life in the singles lane, I have had a lot of time to think about and learn what it is that I want in a person. Having parents who are still in love with each other, also made me reflect a lot about why they managed to stay that way when a lot of people don’t.

Now I have only been in one relationship in my life, and that relationship is only in it’s third year. So I’m no expert in the area, but I still wanted to share a few things that I think can be the keys to success when it comes to lifelong love.

First of all, I believe that falling in love is a choice. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not completely up to me who I fall in love with, but for me it still kind of was a choice, a choice to let myself fall in love, to allow this person into my life and decide to give it a try. I was of course still lucky to have met this perfect and amazing person that I had feelings for, but at the end of the day, I could made a choice to not let him in or let myself get to that point of actual love.

Second of all, staying in love is a choice. Same goes for this point, not completely, but still. I don’t believe that staying with someone for the rest of your life is something that has to do with luck. I don’t believe that if you’re lucky enough you’ll end up in a relationship that is just good and functioning and the love will last forever. I don’t believe that a lot of things in life has to do with luck, actually. I believe that staying in love and staying together is a choice and it’s hard work. Now here, of course, come the question if it’s worth it, if it’s too hard, maybe it’s not right.

Me and my fiance have not been together for very long, but we have gone through what feels like 10 years of challenges in these 2 years. And all along, the both of us, have continued to choose each other and us. We have not accidentally, by luck, stayed together through all of it. We could have left this relationship and moved on a long time ago. But we decided that we are worth it.

I don’t think that people walk around and choose to not love each other any more. But I believe that people let their love fade and that they give the problems more space than the solutions. I think that staying in love and staying together means that you have to make that choice and stay in the game every single day for the rest of your lives.

Here are my best tips on how to keep the love alive

  • Appreciate the small things. Feel gratitude for just being together in the simplest ways, sitting on the couch, watching a movie.
  • Say “I love you” at least once a day.
  • Give compliments, even on your worst day, find something that you really appreciate or like about your partner and say it.
  • Grow together but apart, it’s important to grow, and maybe you want to help your partner grow, but at the end of the day, remember that you also want to keep the person you fell in love with.
  • Support each other. This is one of my favorite points, and so important. I have never in my life felt so supported as I do in my relationship. My fiance believes in me more than I do myself.
  • Take time for each other. Go away just the two of you, a weekend or just a long walk once a week.
  • Have fun together. It’s easy to forget to have fun together when life gets too serious, but try to do stuff together that you both enjoy.
  • Dream together. We have a lot of things that we want to achieve on our own but we also have a lot of dreams together. We dream about travels we want to do, or the house we want to live in, together. Then we plan those trips, save for them, look at houses for sale, together.

I’m a sucker for a good love story and I’m a huge movie nerd. But I do believe that from all the stories we grew up with, we take away that there is someone special out there and everything is just gonna fall into place on its own. But we’re missing that in those movies and books and stories are also these choices and struggles. My biggest belief when it comes to a a life long love is that in contrary to popular belief, it’s not always for the best to go with the person who makes your mind go crazy. For me, my life partner was the first person who could make my mind be still and quiet.

Surprised or planned pregnancy?

Welcome to today’s post. One of the questions that a lot of people ask when you get pregnant is of course if it was planned or a surprise, and our answer is, both.

About a year ago we decided, one drunken night, that I would stop the pill. Of course we also discussed the decision the day after, and the day after that, when we were not drunk, and still thought it was a decision we wanted to make. So we didn’t necessarily want kids right then and there, but we also didn’t wanna be trying to get pregnant, we kind of wanted it to be a surprise, whenever it would happen.

I then spent a year with a late period every month, which was awful. Not only that with my late period also came a lot of symptoms that might as well could have been pregnancy. Every single month, for a year, I had a scare, or a moment of hopefulness. I don’t even know. It was also hard since we wanted it to happen, but at the same time we wanted to wait just a little, and at the same time we knew it could take time, and then we also wanted it to be now, so it was a lot of mixed feelings going on. Just like every month I went through a wave of feelings, hopefulness, excitement, stress, relief, disappointment and yeah, all kinds of feelings. So in november last year it happened again, I was late, and I was not gonna let all those feelings make me go crazy again. “I’m just late again, I’m just late again, I’m just late again”. I’m not doing a damn pregnancy test again.

But this time I had very intense symptoms, sore breasts and crazy mood swings and yeah, the late period again. So I set a day, if I haven’t gotten my period by this day I will do a test. And this time there were 2 lines on the stick. And I thought I was gonna faint. So I ran up to Anna, and screamed at her (she was sleeping) she flew off the bed and I just stared at her and then put the test in front of her. And I said, “go get more” then I was just walking around the apartment, in circles, like a crazy person, until Anna grabbed me and put me on the couch and told me to breathe.

I did 2 more tests and they also showed 2 lines and I had to realize that it was true. So I kept walking around in circles and being happy, and crying, and panicking, and laughing, and being happy again. Then when Valentin came home I had fixed up a little present for him. When he opened it he didn’t say anything, nothing, not a word, and then he looked at me and said “really??” and then we had the same kind of crazy walking around chanting type of reaction for some time.

Was your pregnancy planned or a surprise?
How did you tell your partner?
How did you partner react?

How my fiancé proposed to me

How my fiancé proposed to me

So I’ve posted our story of how we met before and so here is our next story, the proposal. Almost exactly one year ago, it happened. Which means we’ve been together for two years. It’s weird how two years can pass so fast and at the same time, feel like a life time. During only these two years we have already come so far in making our dreams come true, and I’m so excited for everything that we have ahead of us.

When I turned 25 I had planned this big thing with my whole family and all of my friends. Since we don’t live in the same place it was really important for me to have everyone in the same place. So we rented two houses in Sitges, about 30 min by car from Barcelona. One for my family and one for my friends, and we spent a week there having the best time. For my birthday party we had a bit of a glamour theme and everyone dressed up a lot. When everyone arrived we were taking photos on the terrace. After all the photos were done Odi was gonna make a speech and by then I was almost sure what was gonna happen.

So it wasn’t the biggest surprise, we had talked a lot about it, I had told him what my dream proposal was, and since it involved my friends and family the thought had crossed my mind, that this situation was the perfect one. But by the time we were there and had spent a few days there, I kind of started thinking that it wouldn’t happen. So at the same time it was a huge surprise, and I think no matter how sure you are it will happen, that feeling really can’t compare anyway.

So after the beautiful speech that left all in tears he went down on one knee and asked me to marry him with the most beautiful ring, and of course, I said yes, well if I’d been able to speak that’s what I would have said, but I nodded. After what I think was the longest hug-party ever where everyone hugged everyone, probably several times, while crying, we started the celebration and I spend a few hours in complete chock and happiness.

It happened just the way I always dreamed and I’m forever grateful to Odi for doing it in that way. I know it was hard for him to talk and do something like that in front of all those people. Not that we really remember what he said, he was too nervous and my mind just went blank when I realized what was about to happen. It was a beautiful moment that I will remember for the rest of my life.

All these amazing photos are from our engagement photoshoot with
https://delphinegidoinphotography.com/

How were you proposed to?
Did you know it was gonna happen?
What’s your dream proposal?

The tinder success

So me and Valentin actually met on tinder, yes, it’s true. And we love our story. I would actually use tinder basically to, match, talk and then “never have time” to meet up, so it was completely useless for me. I did like talking to people though and I was talking to Odi for a while. Then one day we were gonna pre-party at our flat and he was going out with a friend so we invited them to come over, thinking worst case we could just get rid of them in the club (never without a get-away). So they showed up and he did not talk. I’m not saying like – I’m a big talker and I thought he was very quiet. He did not speak at all, he didn’t say anything, no words. And I thought, wow that’s a fun dude. So we ended up going to different clubs and I thought that was it. However after a while I got a text where he said they had ended up in the same club as us and they had a table in the V.I.P so of course we headed over there. And he still did not say a word, not until after we all left, I guess he had enough alcohol to start speaking English by then.

We were hanging out for a while without being the least bit serious. None of us wanted a relationship. And I think that kind of took the pressure off everything. So we kind of accidentally got to know each other, without really thinking about it, and after a lot of denial, we realized that we actually kind of liked each other a bit more than planned. And then it went really fast. After realizing we did like each other, a lot, and that we really wanted to be together, we went on to meet each others families and moving in together pretty fast.

I could not be happier that I was using tinder, and that we had a lot to drink that night. Cause we have concluded that if we would have gone on a proper date straight away we probably would not be where we are today. It’s amazing when you think about how small the chances were that we would ever meet each other, and all the circumstances it took for us to realize how amazing we are together. Isn’t it just amazing how the universe works sometimes?

So here we are, 2 years later, planning our wedding and having a baby, I guess both of us kind of thought – if it feels right, why wait?

Did you ever use tinder?
How did you meet your partner?
What’s your opinion on going fast or slow in a relationship?

Love and hormones and tips on how how to handle them

So today I want to talk about how pregnancy has effected my relationship, so far. And let’s be honest, it’s not all good and great with all the hooormones. I have been lucky when it comes to symptoms of pregnancy, no vomiting or anything like that. I’m however already a very emotional person and hormones on top of that has not been easy. The first trimester I was an emotional roller coaster and let me tell you, it could not have been easy on my fiance. I was confused within myself and my feelings were overwhelming. So I was all over the place, when he was away I was crying for a hug and when he came home I wanted to rip his head off. I would tell him I love him and 2 seconds later scream about him not understanding what unreasonable feeling I had at that moment.

It’s funny now, but it was actually really awful, cause deep down I really just wanted to share this and be happy and all that came out of me was rage or annoyment or tears. Thankfully second trimester have been way better. Finally my feelings have calmed down and I’m feeling all the love, happiness and sharing that I was longing for. And I have literally never felt so close to someone in my entire life. I want to spend every second with him and we can not get enough of talking about our future.

I really do enjoy and value this closeness and it’s such an amazing feeling to share this journey. It’s amazing going through this crazy time with someone who is as lost as yourself. And also with someone that I’m so extremely sure will become the most amazing parent. I’ve never felt more supported than I do and I’m so blessed that my daughter will have that support too.

While we all know hormones are hormones, I do have some tips on how to make the situation easier on yourself

  • Don’t feel too guilty if you accidentally snapped at someone, you are, after all, pregnant and filled with raging hormones.
  • Talk openly to the people around you, most importantly your partner, about what you’re feeling. This one can be really hard, especially if you, like me, are a little bit of a proud person. But it makes it easier on the other person.
  • Also tell the people around you what they can do to make it easier for you, leave you alone, hug you, make a joke, what ever works for you.
  • Meditation! This might not be for everyone, and I’m not an expert at it myself, but even just a few minutes to yourself in silence can help.
  • Get some alone time, if you feel annoyed, go take a bath or go for a walk or listen to some music.
  • Journal. Now this will probably be on every list of tips for every problem in life for me, I love journaling, just getting all the thoughts and feelings out on paper.
  • Give each other a break, you’re going through something life-changing, you’re probably both stressed out and going though your own range of emotions. Talk, be honest and hug a lot.
All of the amazing photos of me and my fiancé were taken by
https://delphinegidoinphotography.com/

How have you been affected by hormones?
How have hormones affected your relationship?
How have pregnancy affected your relationship?