Happy mother’s day

Today it’s mother’s day in some places, Sweden being one of them. Unfortunately since I’m living in Spain and being away for an event I’m not spending this day with my mum. I am however feeling a bit emotional on a day like this, it being my first (almost) mother’s day or should I say the last one without actually being a mother. I guess it depends on how you look at it. I definitely do not feel like a mother yet and I guess I won’t until the day she decides it’s time to arrive.

I have so many goals and aspirations about being a mother. I am also scared and nervous. But I’m mostly excited, cause to be honest (about to step outside the norm here and own my confidence), I think I will be good at it. I do have a lot of growing left to do (ha-ha). I have not reach everything I want to reach or created the life I want for myself and my family yet. But I’m owning my life, I am chasing my dreams, I am believing in myself. I believe myself to be strong, empowering, smart and stubborn. I have always gone my own way and stood up for myself and others. I am a hell of a friend, a great sister, daughter and fiancé mostly, I think, because I always give all of me, all of the real me. I see the best in people and strive to become the best version of myself and I know that I will succeed and have my dreams come true cause I do not quit.

So that was a little different, ha? Don’t you think we should all own up a bit more to what we are actually good at? What is actually great about us? I feel like I have this confidence within me and a trust in myself but that the society have taught me that you shouldn’t give yourself too much credit, you shouldn’t talk yourself up too much. And while you should definitely not let your ego get so big you think you have nothing left to learn, you should affirm yourself and tell yourself that you are f’king great when you are.

I also have a lot of trust in my ability for motherhood because I grew up with a phenomenal mother. She was natural from the start, just meant to be a mother. She is strong, stubborn, strong-willed and so honest she couldn’t hide her opinion about something or someone even if she tried. She is also soft, kind, supportive, smart and welcomes people she likes and loves with open arms and gives them all she’s got.

I can’t wait to be a mum, and I can’t wait to hug mine the next time I see her. Happy mother’s day my fabulous mum, I love you more than words can say.

The story behind the instagram post

We all know how we post our perfect life on social media and that it’s not always the whole truth. Sometimes it’s not just to portrait a perfect life, well I can only speak for myself, but sometimes it’s about keeping a positive attitude, and also about maybe not wanting to share all the bad things, cause that can be hard to even share with your closest people, let alone the world.

I feel like I’m very aware, and I try to keep it positive but honest on my social media, and I don’t show all of my mental breakdowns, but I try to be honest about my ups and downs. So here goes, the truth behind my latest instagram picture is that I had just actually cried my eyes out before it was taken. When I finally got a picture I was happy with I just wanted to move on and go back to being happy and positive, so my post was not at all about pretending but moving forward. But that is the truth. Like I have talked about in a previous post that you can read here pregnancy doesn’t always come without body issues. So here’s the story

I wanted a pretty pregnancy photo in this amazing and beautiful place. And so the first day in the sun I asked Odi to take some. And when he came back from running around taking photos from different angles (I know he’s so great), I hated them, I looked like a whale, a huge, overweight (not only the stomach of course, cause obviously it’s big) whale. He tried to tell me that that wasn’t at all what he saw, but somehow that just made it worse, and I just broke down and cried. I really thought that I would love and admire my body while pregnant, and I do, but it’s hard, I’m wider and bigger and different everywhere, not only around the stomach, and all you see all around are these model looking women with only a stomach growing. And somehow, even if you deep down know that’s not how you look, you kind of hope that the picture will turn out like one of those perfect pregnancy photos.

Thankfully I have the most amazing fiance, who listened and comforted me and then told me that he was gonna take more pictures, and wouldn’t take no for an answer. So he told me where to go, where to sit, how to sit and where to look and he ran around this whole place taking more pictures from different angles, trying to make me look and feel pretty. And eventually I ended up not hating some of the pictures he took.

It’s not easy gaining weight in this society, I just never thought these ghosts would follow me into pregnancy. But there’s the ugly truth, even in pregnancy some of us have to work through body issues, and if we’re lucky, we have amazing people around to help us do that and tools to help ourselves too. I’m working on loving my body for this amazing thing it’s doing, and a lot of days I do, some days are better than other, both with how you look at yourself and how you feel.

We should all be better at celebrating and loving ourselves. Especially while creating a fking human.

Did you ever feel like that while pregnant?
What are your best tips on handling these feelings?