I am starting my week with gratitude. I have spent the last week walking around being impatient and stressed. And I am not saying that it will change any time soon, unless this baby decide to come… But I am changing my mindset today and focusing on gratitude.
In a lot of aspect of my life I am in between right now, and I do not like it, I don’t like being stuck, to not move forward and to not make things happen. It has been a valuable challenge though. And so I am deciding to shift my focus to gratitude.
I am grateful for so many things in my life, and when it’s hard to step out of the impatience, at least I can be impatient and grateful at the same time. I am so grateful for all the amazing things in my life, and all the amazing things that are coming. I am grateful for this time of having to slow down and calm my mind, even though it’s hard, it’s good for me. I am so grateful for this pregnancy and this baby, and for my fiance, our apartment and our dogs and living in Barcelona. I am grateful for my friends and my family and all the support they give me.
Gratitude is so important, cause what you focus on grows, so if you’re focus on being grateful for things you will most likely get more of the things you’re grateful for, just like you’ll get more of the negative things if that’s what you focus on.
So let’s be grateful today, my friends. For all the things that we have. Even though the wait for the things I don’t have yet is really, really tough.
We are all done now, with the preparations for the baby, well pretty much. We have some stuff left to do regarding the birth more so, visiting the hospital and packing the hospital bag and such. Since I expect for her to be early we really want to get that done. And I had decided that we were gonna be 100% done when it was a month left, to just be able to relax and focus on other things.
I can not believe that we’re all of a sudden here, only 6 weeks away. 6 weeks is nothing, nothing at all, it is literally no time. I can not believe that we are gonna have a real life baby with us that is half me and half Odi and then we’re gonna be responsible for that person. No it has not sunk in, it does not make sense. And I can imagine this feeling getting bigger and bigger the closer we get. The most unreal thing though, is that she’s already here. She’s inside my stomach, just being alive in there, waiting to get out. How weird is that?
To be really honest I am scared out of my mind. I think getting ready with the actual stuff is just a way to make yourself feel like you’re actually prepared. But I have to say that now when I actually have finished I have nothing left to do but sit here and think about exactly how I much I am not ready, and there is nothing more I can do to get prepared! I get that it all falls into place, and that everything is gonna be fine, and that probably everyone goes through this, more or less. But seriously though, how scary is it? We’re having a baby, a human being, a person. What? How did we get here? On one hand I feel like I have been pregnant for years, on the other hand I feel like I found out yesterday and now we’re almost there. This is too crazy. But I am excited too, so excited to meet her, who ever she is!
Did you feel like this when reaching the end of your pregnancy? Were you scared or only excited? Or both? How early were you done with all the preparations, and how did that make you feel?
I’m so excited to become a mother. Also scared shitless of course, but excited. I really think that I could be really good at it. I know they say that women have this maternal instinct. I think some people have it, but I don’t know if I believe that everyone does. My mum did though, she was just the most natural mother and I hope it’s genetic. These are some of the things I believe that a person should have or do to be a good parent. Just keep in mind that I don’t really know what I’m talking about:
Confidence – I think that you need to believe in yourself and have confidence in yourself when it comes to this. As in most things in life, if you doubt yourself the chances are bigger that it will go wrong.
Love – let’s me honest, we need to keep a human alive, and that’s really scary. Not only that but we are also hoping that the human will turn into a good person. But at the end of the day, we all get fucked up one way or another, and life happens, we need to be loved, we all need to be loved.
Support – we have our heads filled up with what we should and shouldn’t do, what everyone else thinks about what we do, and how we should be living our life. Be the support, be the person that the kid can go to, even with the weirdest ideas in the world. And support, help and support. But promote to get creative and make things happen for yourself.
Be selfish sometimes – I believe that to take care of someone else you need to take care of yourself first. I feel like in society you need to be stressed, busy and completely occupied by your kids to be a good mum, to be only a mum. But we are still the same people. And we have become these people through life. I want to be an inspirational parent, and to do that I need to be me, to be the best version of myself, I need to take care of myself. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
I also think it’s important to lead by example, like in all other situations in life. People and kids especially do as you do, not as you tell them to. But I might also have a very naive view of things, not being a parent yet myself. At the end of the day I think we all walk around with way to high expectations. Living in a society where everything is looking very perfect around us, no wonder we do. We can all afford to be a bit more kind and understanding sometimes, we’re all just doing the best we can! So let’s finish of with my biggest point, that I’m probably going to have to remind myself of about 10 times a day when I’m there myself
Okay so maybe I was a little bit early on being all I’m-totally-cool-with-the-idea-of-giving-birth thing that I wrote about in Expectations before expecting vs reality. So we did a prenatal course with our doula. Which was necessary, sure, but also, terrifying.
While it made my fiance feel a lot better with knowing what is going to happen and being more educated on the subject, it made me feel not so calm about what is going to happen. I mean, don’t get me wrong, in some ways it feels good to be on top of things and informed, how ever, the whole animated video on what happens on the inside is now forever stuck in my mind, not to mention the picture of an actual head coming out of… ah.. yea.. you get the picture. I’m now completely terrified.
I’m no expert, but I’m thinking this will be going back and forth during the rest of this pregnancy, and apart of me is thinking that there’s no way I’m gonna be able to handle this. But on a deeper level I do have a lot of confidence in myself and I know that I am strong. While I know that I will probably be fine and handle the situation great, there is a part of me that thinks I’m just gonna change my mind mid-labor and try to run away, haha, now that’s a quite funny picture to have in my head.
I guess you really have no idea what it’s gonna be like until you’re actually there. And that there is no point in planning too much because what ever will happen will happen. I tried to explain to my fiance what it feels like. That the fact that I would one day give birth has been somewhere in the back of my head, but never really the details of what that would actually mean, for real. And that the due date approaching is kind of like knowing that you are going to break your arm at a certain time and not being able to do anything about it. Okay maybe not the best comparison in the world, but it comes close.
What were/are your thoughts on giving birth? How did the reality compare with the actual experience?