It all started Sunday morning, I had somewhat regular contractions and timed them for a few hours but eventually they stopped. They started up again in the evening stronger than before. Odi came home from work around 11 and we went to sleep but I couldn’t. The contractions were too strong and painful. They were around 7-8 minutes apart and we were in contact with our doula telling us there was no point in going to the hospital until they were 5-1-1, 1 minute long, 5 minutes apart, for 1 hour. If not for that we would probably have gone to the hospital right then, and been sent home, of course haha. So no sleep, and the contractions continued all day Monday. I was already exhausted from lack of sleep and the contractions was getting harder to handle and more painful, on top of that I also started vomiting.
We tried going to bed again after we had dinner but I still couldn’t sleep, I would fall asleep for about 5 minutes and then wake up from a contraction. I tried walking around when they hit, and that was fine for a while, and I tried taking a warm bath, which felt a little better for a little. When they got really strong I would flush warm water on my stomach, scream into the wall and try to breathe until it stopped and in between I would sit barely able to keep my eyes opened.
Around 1-2 at night the contractions were close enough together for us to head to the hospital. We got to go straight through and I was about 3cm dilated. After 24 hours of contractions, vomiting and pain and 36 hours without sleep I made the decision to take the epidural. I just needed to get all my piercings out first. Which was more problematic than one would think. I couldn’t get my piercing under my lip out, my earring was stuck and my finger was too swollen to get my ring off. And this with the help of about 3 people. I was just longing for that pain relief and started getting frustrated as the contractions kept coming.
With some tools we got the piercing out, cut the earring off and cut my ring, thankfully I had put a thin silver ring to stop my engagement ring from falling off as it was too big, so we just needed to cut that one the engagement ring came off with vaseline. So eventually I got the epidural, and I am so so so happy about that decision, oh how I needed that break. The epidural didn’t really function as it only worked fully on the right side and not on the left. They tried with putting more in, but still the same result. I was basically without pain though and got to sleep and rest a little. They effect of the epidural wore off and since it wasn’t working properly they needed to re-do it. That time it worked, but wore off faster so I needed several doses.
Around 7 in the morning I was about 4 cm dilated. It all slowed down a bit with the epidural. But then it went quite fast. At 10 I was fully dilated and a little while after that I started feeling a lot of pressure. The epidural didn’t work as it should that time either. So as the pressure and pain started coming stronger the epidural was wearing off and I ended up having a more or less natural birth anyway haha.
She had he mind made up, she was coming. And when it started it didn’t take more than 30 minutes until she was out. Oh my god, the pain. What’s interesting is how much it’s psychological. Being in pain for such a long time and knowing that there is a lot more coming, and knowing that there’s no going back. Or when pushing, that it’s not just about enduring the pain but actually having to push. I was close to breaking down and completely panic. I did not wanna do it anymore. I would say that giving birth actually takes a lot more mental strength than physical.
Not to mention that it’s not over when it’s over. They put her on me, and I was so confused and exhausted and I couldn’t for a second understand that it was her, that she was mine. And there was still the placenta to come. It was almost the worst part to stay in that awful position, in a lot of pain, waiting to give birth to the placenta. It didn’t take too long, but enough time for me to get super annoyed with the midwifes, like there was anything they could do about it. After the placenta it was the stitches… Kill me. Well for giving birth to a 4400 gram baby, only needing a few internal stitches is apparently pretty impressive, but it still hurt like a motherf’ and by that point I didn’t wanna be screaming from pain. I just wanted to meet my daughter. She was laying on me but I couldn’t focus on anything else but being done.
So after all of this, there we were. With our daughter. And it still didn’t make any sense what so ever. And it still doesn’t. She’s laying here next to me sleeping, in our hospital room. I’m exhausted and she’s perfect. We’re staying here another day and before we’re heading home.
There are a lot more to say about this, and over the next few days I will. But here is how it all went down. Written in exhaustion I hope it makes some sense. I’m so happy and filled with love and confusion. I am eternally grateful to our doula and to Odi who has been so great with his little girl while I have gotten some time to rest.
We’re healthy and happy and grateful for all your messages!