Oh wow, what a crazy few days. It has not been easy, let me tell you. To be honest I haven’t been doing very well. It’s like I’m having a growing panic inside me. It kind of feels like I have an ongoing panic attack on paus, laying in wait to explode at the first sign of struggle. And by struggle I do mean things such as dropping your keys on the floor. This morning I was making banana pancakes for myself to turn my already tough morning around. And guess what, it was a mess, for some reason they just didn’t want to turn into pancakes, they just fell apart, and so did I. I literally screamed straight out and then went into my bedroom to cry for a bit. Yes, because of failed pancakes, and it wasn’t like a few tears and then picking myself up and realizing I was being ridiculous, oh no, it was a full on, I have never been this sad – I can barely breathe – cry. And when Odi tried to comfort me I just got frustrated cause I did realize how ridiculous I was being, I just couldn’t stop.
When I was making those damn pancakes it literally felt like a huge panic in a form of a bubble inside my chest that just grew and grew until I couldn’t take it anymore, no matter how much I tried to breathe and calm myself down. Being a super emotional person when not pregnant probably doesn’t make it any easier.
Oh yes, isn’t it just magical being pregnant. Well yes, it is. It is magical feeling her move and going through this whole experience is something I am very grateful for, every day, especially since I used to believe I couldn’t even get pregnant (for no reason at all, just a feeling). But let’s be honest, it also kind of sucks to create life. But I’m sure all I’ll remember is the beautiful feeling of having her grow inside me and I’ll forget all about the pancake drama of this morning.
Anyone who can relate? (please don’t leave me hanging)