So we’re having a girl. Which is amazing, of course. I kind of always thought that my first child would be a boy. I don’t know why, it was just a feeling. So finding out it was a girl was amazing but also a little weird, and scary to be honest. One thing that I have noticed is that a lot of people believe that all women wishes for a girl, and they also believe that a man would want a boy. I honestly didn’t wish for either or, I just had a feeling my first child would be a boy. Odi did wish for a girl though. It scares me, that we’re having a girl, a girl, because I look at myself, I see myself as a child, as a teenager, how much I have struggled, how hard it has been to navigate being an opinionated and loud girl who takes place, who isn’t just nice and quiet. It scares me, because of all the girls that are mean, which I have been too, probably because of this competition we grow up believing we’re in. And it scares me, because of all the amazing girls and women I know and have met, all of them have story, a story of being harassed, or abused, or just treated like less, because they are just that, girls. How am I suppose to take responsibility for raising a person that will make it through all that and come out stronger on the other side. How am I suppose to give my girl all the tools that she’s gonna need?
Maybe people get excited about pink, fluffy dresses, first of all, I’m not even that excited about that, they are cute and all, but when I was a child I wanted to wear jeans, much to my mothers despair being her only daughter and all, and now I rather buy the less pink, less fluffy baby clothes. And because of all the opinions, and loudness, growing up with brothers and the competition that we grow up thinking that we’re in, I was never a girls girl.
And sitting here writing this text, I cannot believe that we are living in a society that makes me feel scared when the ultrasound technician tells me I’m having a girl. That makes me think of all the awful situations I have heard about, and been through myself, instead of thinking of pink, fluffy dresses. But even though it scares me to death, I’m accepting the mission, the mission to raise another strong woman, and I will teach her to love herself, and to take care of herself, to be loud and opinionated if that’s what she wants to be. And to do like my parents did, teach her that she can do what ever she sets her mind to even if the world would tells her she can’t.
Of course it would have probably scared me just as much I we were having a boy. Either way the responsibility of raising a human being is pretty huge! But I believe that just being aware of these kind of things takes us one step closer to doing a great job!