Thoughts and fears about giving birth

Okay so maybe I was a little bit early on being all I’m-totally-cool-with-the-idea-of-giving-birth thing that I wrote about in Expectations before expecting vs reality. So we did a prenatal course with our doula. Which was necessary, sure, but also, terrifying.

While it made my fiance feel a lot better with knowing what is going to happen and being more educated on the subject, it made me feel not so calm about what is going to happen. I mean, don’t get me wrong, in some ways it feels good to be on top of things and informed, how ever, the whole animated video on what happens on the inside is now forever stuck in my mind, not to mention the picture of an actual head coming out of… ah.. yea.. you get the picture. I’m now completely terrified.

I’m no expert, but I’m thinking this will be going back and forth during the rest of this pregnancy, and apart of me is thinking that there’s no way I’m gonna be able to handle this. But on a deeper level I do have a lot of confidence in myself and I know that I am strong. While I know that I will probably be fine and handle the situation great, there is a part of me that thinks I’m just gonna change my mind mid-labor and try to run away, haha, now that’s a quite funny picture to have in my head.

I guess you really have no idea what it’s gonna be like until you’re actually there. And that there is no point in planning too much because what ever will happen will happen. I tried to explain to my fiance what it feels like. That the fact that I would one day give birth has been somewhere in the back of my head, but never really the details of what that would actually mean, for real. And that the due date approaching is kind of like knowing that you are going to break your arm at a certain time and not being able to do anything about it. Okay maybe not the best comparison in the world, but it comes close.

What were/are your thoughts on giving birth?
How did the reality compare with the actual experience?

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