Tips from a non expert on how to keep a healthy and loving relationship

Today I wanted to talk about relationships. Now this is a subject that I have thought a lot about over the years. Spending my entire life in the singles lane, I have had a lot of time to think about and learn what it is that I want in a person. Having parents who are still in love with each other, also made me reflect a lot about why they managed to stay that way when a lot of people don’t.

Now I have only been in one relationship in my life, and that relationship is only in it’s third year. So I’m no expert in the area, but I still wanted to share a few things that I think can be the keys to success when it comes to lifelong love.

First of all, I believe that falling in love is a choice. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not completely up to me who I fall in love with, but for me it still kind of was a choice, a choice to let myself fall in love, to allow this person into my life and decide to give it a try. I was of course still lucky to have met this perfect and amazing person that I had feelings for, but at the end of the day, I could made a choice to not let him in or let myself get to that point of actual love.

Second of all, staying in love is a choice. Same goes for this point, not completely, but still. I don’t believe that staying with someone for the rest of your life is something that has to do with luck. I don’t believe that if you’re lucky enough you’ll end up in a relationship that is just good and functioning and the love will last forever. I don’t believe that a lot of things in life has to do with luck, actually. I believe that staying in love and staying together is a choice and it’s hard work. Now here, of course, come the question if it’s worth it, if it’s too hard, maybe it’s not right.

Me and my fiance have not been together for very long, but we have gone through what feels like 10 years of challenges in these 2 years. And all along, the both of us, have continued to choose each other and us. We have not accidentally, by luck, stayed together through all of it. We could have left this relationship and moved on a long time ago. But we decided that we are worth it.

I don’t think that people walk around and choose to not love each other any more. But I believe that people let their love fade and that they give the problems more space than the solutions. I think that staying in love and staying together means that you have to make that choice and stay in the game every single day for the rest of your lives.

Here are my best tips on how to keep the love alive

  • Appreciate the small things. Feel gratitude for just being together in the simplest ways, sitting on the couch, watching a movie.
  • Say “I love you” at least once a day.
  • Give compliments, even on your worst day, find something that you really appreciate or like about your partner and say it.
  • Grow together but apart, it’s important to grow, and maybe you want to help your partner grow, but at the end of the day, remember that you also want to keep the person you fell in love with.
  • Support each other. This is one of my favorite points, and so important. I have never in my life felt so supported as I do in my relationship. My fiance believes in me more than I do myself.
  • Take time for each other. Go away just the two of you, a weekend or just a long walk once a week.
  • Have fun together. It’s easy to forget to have fun together when life gets too serious, but try to do stuff together that you both enjoy.
  • Dream together. We have a lot of things that we want to achieve on our own but we also have a lot of dreams together. We dream about travels we want to do, or the house we want to live in, together. Then we plan those trips, save for them, look at houses for sale, together.

I’m a sucker for a good love story and I’m a huge movie nerd. But I do believe that from all the stories we grew up with, we take away that there is someone special out there and everything is just gonna fall into place on its own. But we’re missing that in those movies and books and stories are also these choices and struggles. My biggest belief when it comes to a a life long love is that in contrary to popular belief, it’s not always for the best to go with the person who makes your mind go crazy. For me, my life partner was the first person who could make my mind be still and quiet.

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