We live in a society filled with judgement. And for some reason it is completely okay to have a lot of opinions about pregnant women (and parents). Here are some of my favorite examples of things people do and say when you’re pregnant that I really don’t appreciate.
- For example it seems to be completely fine to call people fat when they’re pregnant, cause for some reason people seems to think that just because you’re carrying a human being inside your body you will all of a sudden find it hilarious to be called fat. Now while some people might be completely fine with it, just don’t. Would you under any circumstances find it funny if someone called you fat? No? Then just don’t. I’m not fat, I’m carrying around a baby in my belly, thanks.
- Another thing is that it’s okay for people to have opinions about what you eat, when you eat, if you exercise, if you don’t exercise or what it is you’re exercising. Every pregnancy is different and what a person chooses to eat or do is usually none of your business, so no, just because a person is pregnant, doesn’t make it your business.
- People also think it’s okay to have opinions about what advice you choose to take and not take. I once had personell at a spa basically yelling at me that I was gonna hurt my baby if I went in a hot bath, how could I not have mentioned that I was pregnant when I made the reservation? Well first of all, my baths at home are warmer than the ones in there. And I’m sorry that I don’t walk around with a sign on my forehead saying that I’m pregnant. Now not allowing pregnant women was the policy of the spa, and maybe there’s good reason for it, in this specific case it was more how I was treated and talked to that bothered me. Maybe you read in an article somewhere that drinking water out of a plastic cup is super dangerous and might actually kill a baby, that doesn’t make it true, and even if it is, still, non of your business. Advice and tips about what to do and what not to do during pregnancy is a complete jungle, maybe you can just trust that the person in question have done their research.
- People love to tell horror stories. As soon as you tell someone you’re pregnant, a lot of people jump straight to this one. They dig up some old horror story about pregnancy, giving birth or being a parent. I don’t understand this one. If someone tells you they’re gonna do a knee surgery, do you then start telling them about a friend that died from a knee surgery, or do you maybe support them and tell them that everything is gonna be okay? Trust me, I am nervous enough already, I don’t need to hear about your friend who almost died when giving birth, or your other friend who never slept again after having a baby.
- People love telling you that your plans will fail and change. Now this might be true, I have also heard in a not so judgmental way that you should restrain from planning to much for when the baby is here, because everything might change, or be different from what you expected. But what I mean are the people who instead of being supportive tell you how it’s going to be. When I say that I won’t be posting to many pictures of my baby, cause that is not something I want to do, and the respons you get it “haha, you say that now, but you will”. Now I’ve made a decision about something that I want to do when it comes to my baby, why can’t people just say, good for you, and be supportive?
It is a complete jungle of advice out there. And our social media society doesn’t make it easier. Now I have a lot of books, on pregnancy, what to eat and not to eat, what to expect in the first year. More specifically, I have these books (yes I just got all the “what to expect”-books):
- What to Expect When You’re Expecting
- What to Expect – Eating Well When You’re Expecting
- What to Expect the First Year
But what I have done, from the first moment, is deciding who to listen to. I have my mum, I have one of my mum’s friends back in Sweden who is a midwife and I have my doula. These are 3 women who I respect and trust, who have had babies and who are also working in some sort of medical care that has to do with women. If a book says one thing and my mum says another, I will go with my mums. That’s my choice, that’s what I have decided, to now go completely crazy in this jungle. And if you’re in a smilar situation, I advice you to do the same. You can always do research and read and listen to everyone around you, but at the end of the day you have to decide what is good for you.
The world of pregnancy and babies can be a judgmental and non-supportive place, but there are also people to talk to and communities online that are very helpful and supportive. No matter what, do you!
What is your experience with what people say or do to you when you’re pregnant?
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve heard?
What’s your best tips on how to handle this jungle of opinions?
Which are you best book tips on pregnancy/babies?